|
|
HUMOR INDEXERS ENJOY
(Your Help Needed)
I'm looking for THE DEFINITIVE ANSWER to the following questions:
1. OLD INDEXERS NEVER DIE, THEY JUST ........
passim away
see under six feet
decompile
go back to the contents
go back to page one
repaginate
page away cross their references
file away
______________________ |
David A. Green David A. Green
Gil Osgood
Padi Harmon
Padi Harmon
Padi Harmon
Paul Illes
Savannah Barnes
Nancy Cline
Your name here |
2. IF WELDERS DO IT AND MAKE IT STICK, THEN ..............
Indexers do it by the book
Indexers find it faster
Indexers know where to look first
Indexers know how to find it
Indexers are full of one-liners
Indexers do it alphabetically
Indexers do it by the letter
Indexers point the way
Indexers bring it all together
Indexers organize it
Indexers ____________________ |
Denise Jackson
Unknown
Unknown
Kristin Manke
Dan Gleason
Dan Gleason
Dan Gleason
Paul Illes
Kristin Manke
Martha Osgood
Your Name Here |
Send your response to me - I'll add it and your name to this list.
Plural nouns (an Exaltation of Larks, a Clowder of Cats, a Gaggle of Geese) for indexers could include:
- A Compilation of Indexers
- An Indication of Indexers
- A Gathering of Indexers
- A Concordance of Indexers
- A Silence of Indexers
- An Agony of Indexers
- A Syndicate of Indexers
- An Alliance of Indexers
- A Map of Indexers
- A Library of Indexers
- A Solution of Indexers
- A Manifestation of Indexers
- An Order of Indexers
- A Page of Indexers
- A Thread of Indexers
- A Web of Indexers
- A Sherlock of Indexers
- A Column of Indexers
- A Table of Indexers
BUT
- a Hive of Indexers would include only the Bs
- an Ocean of Indexers would include only the Cs
- a Flock of Indexers would include only the Js
- a Train of Indexers would include only the Ls
- a Garden of Indexers would include only the Ps
- a Bed of Indexers would include only the Zs...
(with thanks to Kristin, Sandy, Nancy, Lenore, Michael, Martha, Bob, and Jonathan--indexers all)
Q. How many indexers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. See lightbulbs, changing (Thanks to Richard Evans)
A. Indexers don't change lightbulbs. But they'll be happy to make a list of all the lightbulbs and their locations so that the maintenance crew can find them later.
(Thanks to Erika Millen)
A. 1,005. One to screw it in. One to index it under "E" (electric lightbulb). One to index it under "T" (tungsten bulb). One to index it under "F" (fluorescent tube). One to index it under "L" (lightbulb), and another 1,000 to debate the indexing protocol over the e-mail. (Thanks to Robert Saigh)
A. Only one. However, someone is bound to say they can hire someone for much less money to simply hang a flashlight from the ceiling.
(Thanks to John Sullivan)
A. None, it recharges itself from the brilliance of their repartee!
(Thanks to Jeri Lee)
If we weren't called Indexers, what would we be called?
|
indicants
gnomonizers
indexicalologists
fistidiographers
catagormaticalsumographers
(The above thanks to John Heffernan)
Original Search Engineers Directors Collectors Inventoriers Search Guides Prompters Sniffers Enlighteners Information Retrieval Specialists Guidance Counselors Indicators Trailblazers Telltales Treasure Mappers Navigation Experts Topographer extraordinaires Order-Mongers
|
Abcedarians Pye-makers Key Coders Lighthousers Disclosers Pointers Hint-givers Mapsters Tipsters Informants Triangulators Highlighters DeNote-rs Passworders Neat-Nicks Flaggers Distillers Tattlers Fingerers Essence-Finders Legend Writers Unscramblers
DeCryption Experts Site Sighters Bearing Finders Information Architects |
And of course: Indexers do it logically, carefully, directly, precisely, completely and without added fluorishes.
More at Leverage Technologies
From Real Indexes
Eggs, fried, bogus - Henry Porter, in Lies, damned lies
Butter, in Irish bogs
Journals, British, their brutal tone
Wooden leg, never eats pudding - James Russell Lowell, in Bigelow Papers
Cabs, necessity of, to modern publisher
Cabs, unwarrantable luxury of, to authors - Hilaire Belloc, in Caliban's Guide to Letters
Brunnhilde, temporarily blinded by helmet
Swan, dangerous to tenors
Zebras, in attempt to enliven Norma - Hugh Vickers, in Great Operatic Disasters
The index for The Stuffed Owl: An Anthology of Bad Verse was even funnier than the verse. Some examples:
- Beauties, well-baked
- Cheese, cheshire, by whom digestible
- Elephant, not amphibious
- Newspaper editors, not always truthful
- Pea, not self-supporting
- Tapeworm, lonely but prolific
While review copies of the book have not been released, the "secret" index to Jane Fonda's new book can give hints as to its contents...
atlanta.creativeloafing.com/2005-03-30/arts_books.html
The "index" to the Atlantic Monthly was reviewed by the Washington Post:
www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A61734-2005Feb28.html
I was recently reminded of your work, Martha, when looking at the index of one of my library books, Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography). These are some of the entries (note that the book begins on page ix and ends on page 212, which is blank and has a hole in it.):
beige coat, medium length, 101, 118. See also Disguise Training, PhaseTwo
conspiracies. See overall feeling of doom
Disguise Training, Phase Two. See Disguise Training, Phase One
Disguise Training, Phase One. See disguises
disguises. See noble causes
doom, overall feeling of, ix-211
medium-length beige coat. See beige coat, medium length
moral uncertainty. See villainy
necessary evils. See moral uncertainty
noble causes. See necessary evils
overall feeling of doom. See doom, overall feeling of
villainy. See conspiracies
From Fran .............................
|
In Douglas R. Hofstadter's own index to his book Le ton beau de Marot, reviewed in The Indexer (vol. 21 no. 1, April 1998), the index covers pages 609 to 632. On page 631 there is an index entry:
index: challenges of, 598; as revelatory of book's nature, 598; typo in, 633; as work of art, 598
By the way, there is no page 633.
There has been a friendly and sometimes less-than-friendly rivalry between William F. Buckley and Norman Mailer going on for many decades. In the index to one of Buckley's books, under "Mailer, Norman" are no page references, just this message" "Hi Norm." Obviously Buckley expected Mailer to pick the book up off a rack in a bookstore and immediately look for references to himself in the index.
Melinda Davis reports that in a Winter 1999 Garden Book Club flyer, the HarperCollins Dictionary of Religion is advertised as "featuring 300 blind cross-references." Since the definition of "blind" cross-reference is one that leads the reader to a non-existent reference -"wild goose chase" would be a valid translation. To quote my husband: "This is a bug, not a feature."
"The" has its place. That, more or less, is the theme of Glenda Browne's treatise called The Definite Article: Acknowledging "the" in Index Entries. The "the" article appears in The Indexer, the information- and fun-packed publication for professional indexers everywhere. The Indexer has its own index, which includes an entry for Browne, Glenda. Internationally, the "the" problem is not the problem, it is merely a problem. Browne makes this clear at the very start of her paper, with a quotation from indexing maven Hans Wellisch: "Happy is the lot of an indexer of Latin, the Slavic languages, Chinese, Japanese, and some other tongues, which do not have articles, whether definite or indefinite, initial or otherwise." ~ August 1, 2005 in the Guardian at http://tinyurl.com/2zetqe or http://education.guardian.co.uk/higher/research/improbable/story/0,,1834107,00.html
In the movie version of P.D. James' "Shroud for a Nightingale," detective Adam Dalgliesh is is leafing through a book looking for information and says something to the effect, "I couldn't find anything pertinent as I looked through the book, and there's NO INDEX".
* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.
The index embraces its silly side
By Alex Beam, Globe Columnist | October 21, 2004
A reader writes: "It may be time for a witty column on `Whatever Happened to the Index?' I love Jim [James] Carroll dearly, but his publisher has cashiered the index for his newest book, `Crusade: Chronicles of an Unjust War,' leaving those who might want to rely upon his words searching through the entire book for the desired point."
Indexes, subject of. They might be called the policemen of literature; they never seem to be around when you need them. (Although Carroll said in an interview he didn't think "Crusade," a collection of columns, needed an index.) My Bible doesn't come with an index, which would come in handy when trying to untangle the two Lazarus stories, or for that matter the various Simons and Marys. "Common Ground," J. Anthony Lukas's biblical account of Boston's racial politics in the 1960s and 1970s, was published without an index, much to the chagrin of many locals mentioned therein.
There are books no one would dream of reading, but a quick trip through the index would be quite rewarding. The classic example is "The Andy Warhol Diaries" for which both Spy and Fame magazines published pullout indexes in 1989. Spy's is better remembered, perhaps for entries such as these: "Beatty, Warren . . . called disgusting by Jacqueline Onassis for mysterious act in hallway," or "Nureyev, Rudolf . . . awful dancing of."
Read the rest at:
www.boston.com/ae/books/articles/2004/10/21/the_index_embraces_its_silly_side?mode=PF
|